Cut the Shit

A List of the People that REALLY get on my Nerves:

Welcome to a bitch session. I was sitting at my computer today and getting increasingly more irritated at so many BONERS that I decided it was absolutely necessary to do a post on them. Why should I be the only person annoyed? Misery does love gay company after all!

1) Kristin Cavallari of MTV’s Laguna Beach. FUCK YOU. Seriously. What is WRONG with America??? If you’re on a lame ass reality show, why the fuck in the world would you suddenly be getting offered movie roles and showing up at the hottest Hollywood parties? Why is she sitting front row center during Fashion Week? WHY is this girl getting even more media attention now that the show is over? For the real actors of this world, who study and gather experience by actually performing, it must drive you MAD to see airhead chicks like this taking the roles that you justly deserve? Fucking crap shit bitch. I HATE the fact that she’s becoming the new “IT” girl. Again, I demand to know WHY?! Because her daddy paid for everything and she has done nothing to earn her status? Motherfuck, this bitch makes me physically angry.

2) People who have no idea how to walk around in a big city. It drives me INSANE that I have to stop and start walking every five seconds. I could do what other people in this city do and just walk over the top of you. But in general, I’m a pretty nice guy and just end up silently screaming in my head “MOVE THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!” Don’t stop to look at the height of the buildings unless you are out of the way of pedestrian traffic. Don’t stand, talking on your cell phone, at the entrance to the subway. Don’t walk in a zig zag pattern so that the people trying to walk past you have to stop and switch directions after every five steps. Learn how to walk or just take a fucking cab.

3) Randy Jackson on American Idol. Just stop it. Stop it stop it stop it. While I can’t stand the show to begin with, most times there’s nothing else on. So lately, I’ve been watching the auditions and I’ve realized that Randy Jackson tells just about EVERYONE that they have more talent than he’s ever seen in the history of American Idol. For fuck’s sake…shut up! Stop using the term “dawg” after every sentence and stop trying to be anything, but a washed up, fat black dude. I can’t stand your face.

4) WHO CARES if Nicole Ritchie has an eating disorder? WHO CARES what stupid thing Paris Hilton has done this week? WHO CARES if Pete Doherty is still using and abusing crack/cocaine? WHO CARES WHO CARES WHO CARES!? Dig up some gossip that’s even remotely interesting and stop rehashing the same old shit week after week. This goes for YOU Perez Hilton. I love your site, but you’re becoming more ego inflated and stale with each passing post.

5) President Bush giving the middle finger to reporters? PRESIDENT (?) Bush giving the middle finger? And even if it’s not his middle finger as some people have claimed…the point still stands. We have the most obnoxious, dim-witted, terrible representation of the American people in office leading us to war and beyond. I fucking hate this douchebag and its video like this that makes me wonder how the fuck anyone could have really voted for him. Doesn’t shit like this just make you embarrassed?? I just can’t believe we have three more years of looking at this smug bastard’s face.

Ok, that should be good for today.

I’m sitting here getting all worked up for no reason at all. I need to go take a nap, smoke a cigarette and think happy thoughts. You know, like a boat carrying Kristin Cavallari, Bush, and Randi Jackson, sinking slowly into the Atlantic Ocean with no hope for recovery.

Ah…fantasies. How wonderful they can be…